Tag Archives: badmovies

It’s almost Star Wars time again!

It’s almost Star Wars time again!

I read an article earlier that quoted J.J. Abrams as saying that Rian Johnson “Didn’t really derail,” the star wars trilogy with the last jedi. Of course all the fanboys went crazy in the comment section about how Luke had changed and how Rey is a mary sue and all the SJW crap blah blah blah. All those dumb issues aside, the story was just badly told. 

1. “Their ship is smaller and faster so we can’t catch them but they also can’t get away from us either.” WHAT? I’m sorry what did you just say? I’d have instantly murdered a first officer that said that to me if I was Kylo. what kind of nonsense is that? If we can’t catch them then they can get away, go throw yourself out an airlock. Which brings me to my second point.

2. Leia gets sucked out into the void of space, the force kicks in and she miraculously flies back to the ruined bridge and pounds on the door to let everyone know that shes survived. the scene cuts there and shes safe in the medical bay. HOW, how did you get her inside? if the door opens to the vacuum of space long enough to get her in then anyone on the other side of it is also going to get sucked out and NOT have the force to save them. Now there are ways to explain this and I actually just thought of one as I was writing this. but instead of explaining it in any way shape or form, Rian instead gives us a 45 minute slow speed chase through outer space because somehow you can be too slow AND too fast all at the same time! 

3. In the opening scene, bombers fly in and drop bombs on the imperial ships. Now I get that he was probably ordered to come up with a new type of ship and had to work it into the story but for fucks sake can you at least please try and come up with some plausible way that bombs FALL in zero gravity instead of just saying “Oh its just a fantasy story.” Oh, and while you’re at it, maybe not show us a bombardier earlier in the scene covered head to toe in protective gear to keep him safe from the rigors of being exposed to open space followed by then showing us the pretty sister heroically doing her job with no protective gear while she stands over an open bomb bay door that leads to nothing but the cold empty void of space so that she can somehow get the bombs to FALL IN ZERO GRAVITY at the exact perfect second that they needed to.

These are just the top three issues I have with the storytelling of this movie. I can easily think of three more off the top of my head that have nothing to do with character development or any of the agendas they may or may not have been pushing. 
I really enjoyed the homage that JJ abrams paid to the original trilogy in the force awakens and I was really looking forward to some original shit from the last jedi. I can understand wanting to tell a unique story but throwing out logic and simple physics doesn’t make for good storytelling it makes you look stubborn and ridiculous. I definitely don’t think I’m the best writer in the world, but I know for a fact that if someone was paying me that much money to write a movie, I sure as fuck wouldn’t turn that illogical piece of shit in. END RANT.

Have a great weekend all!